It was much darker already when I went out to the tent the second night. My fears were a little more heightened, I think because of how dark it was. Even the dark seemed darker than the night before. But this time I came prepared to sleep, with my pillow, extra blankets and warmer pj's since it was a little cool. I laid there, looking at the sky, convincing myself that the noises in the woods were just birds, squirrels, chipmunks, etc. I was just starting to drift off to the lullabies of the crickets when...
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! A noise that did not fit into any category of nature in my mind ripped through the night. I sat upright, ears straining to hear more. Oh. Gram was just closing the kitchen window. As the rush of adrenaline finally started to subside, I once again began to drift off. I could feel that pulse of energy right at the border of sleep, aware of the slow steadiness of my breathing. Eventually I started to shift into the dream world. And then I was jolted awake from my semi-sleep by the sound of an animal scurrying in the woods. Damn. Now I'm hungry, I can't relax, and I'm just not feeling this tonight. So I head back in the house, grab a snack, read for a bit and go to sleep.
I am awoken to the sound of someone or something screaming outside. What the hell?! My cat, Lady Jane, is freaking out, her eyes bulging and her tail puffed. My heart is racing. And I hear it again, and again, and again...about a dozen times. It finally began to register in my mind that I am hearing a fisher cat for the first time. I know only because my parents have had them around their house and have described their sound to me. All I could think in that moment was THANK GOD I am not in the tent right now! But I can't help but wonder, dear fisher cat, what message do you bring? Stealth, courage, observation, trusting my instincts...hmmm, so much to learn from the energy of the natural world. Even so, I think I'll just stick to early evening meditations for a bit. I'm all about facing my fears, reaching and expanding out of my comfort zone, but all in due time. I will sleep out there at least one night before the summer is over!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat Nature Girl: Part 1
I recently set up my tent in the backyard with the intention of being able to be outside in the evenings without getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. Dusk is a favorite time of the day for me and I love the idea of using the tent to meditate, read, relax, or nap as the day's summer air gets a little cooler. There's a shift in energy that seems to occur out in nature at that time of the day and I love being enmeshed in it and absorbed by it. I'm even entertaining the idea of sleeping out there overnight, some night when I build up my courage, which I wasn't really aware needed building until recently.
I was in heaven that first evening. The tent has that mesh screening on two whole sides and on the very top. I laid there, under a velvet blanket of night blinking with stars, breathing the fresh air as it whispered through the tent and across my skin, lulled by the serenade of crickets and entertained by the luminous dance of the fireflies. I felt so at peace that my body seemed to be disappearing into its connection to all that is. If only it had stayed that way, but slowly I became aware of every little sound out there in the woods. It's amazing, when you're alone outside, in the dark, how heightened your senses become and how every little sound seems closer, bigger and scarier than what reality would reveal it to be in the daylight. My imagination can run wild! And my fears of what could be out there seem to mirror my inner fears of facing the unknown as I move into a new chapter of my life.
Suddenly I hear something hit the side of the tent and I bolt upright, my heart racing. I can feel my pupils pushing the boundaries of their ability to dilate to let in more light as I try to scan outside to see what the hell that was. But I see nothing. Must have been a twig falling from a tree...? No, I can still hear it moving alongside the tent. Visions of rabid animals and scary creatures form in my head. Jeesh-maybe I've been reading too many supernatural creature books lately. And then this creature lands on the mesh screen right in front of my face! A frog. Ha. Well hello little froggie, I greet her, what message do you have for me this evening? Frog is a totem of metamorphosis, a symbol of coming into ones' own creative power. Frog brings the energy of cleansing and transformation. This night she brought a smile to my face and her message to my heart. I finally fell asleep for a bit, waking up just before midnight to finish the rest of the night in my own bed. Tomorrow night, yes, tomorrow night I will sleep outside overnight so I can wake up to the beauty of dawn...
I was in heaven that first evening. The tent has that mesh screening on two whole sides and on the very top. I laid there, under a velvet blanket of night blinking with stars, breathing the fresh air as it whispered through the tent and across my skin, lulled by the serenade of crickets and entertained by the luminous dance of the fireflies. I felt so at peace that my body seemed to be disappearing into its connection to all that is. If only it had stayed that way, but slowly I became aware of every little sound out there in the woods. It's amazing, when you're alone outside, in the dark, how heightened your senses become and how every little sound seems closer, bigger and scarier than what reality would reveal it to be in the daylight. My imagination can run wild! And my fears of what could be out there seem to mirror my inner fears of facing the unknown as I move into a new chapter of my life.
Suddenly I hear something hit the side of the tent and I bolt upright, my heart racing. I can feel my pupils pushing the boundaries of their ability to dilate to let in more light as I try to scan outside to see what the hell that was. But I see nothing. Must have been a twig falling from a tree...? No, I can still hear it moving alongside the tent. Visions of rabid animals and scary creatures form in my head. Jeesh-maybe I've been reading too many supernatural creature books lately. And then this creature lands on the mesh screen right in front of my face! A frog. Ha. Well hello little froggie, I greet her, what message do you have for me this evening? Frog is a totem of metamorphosis, a symbol of coming into ones' own creative power. Frog brings the energy of cleansing and transformation. This night she brought a smile to my face and her message to my heart. I finally fell asleep for a bit, waking up just before midnight to finish the rest of the night in my own bed. Tomorrow night, yes, tomorrow night I will sleep outside overnight so I can wake up to the beauty of dawn...
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