An Experience of Perception

Magic, then, in its perhaps most primordial sense, is the experience of existing in a world made up of multiple intelligences, the intuition that every form one perceives--from the swallow swooping overhead to the fly on a blade of grass, and indeed the blade of grass itself--is an experiencing form, an entity with its own predilections and sensations, albeit sensations that are very different from our own. -David Abram, The Spell of the Sensuous


I am reading this book currently and I am spellbound by it.  It makes me think, makes me feel.  My brain is being stretched into new realms of thought.  It's opening me up to new ways of understanding and perceiving.  And sometimes it's simply putting to words what I've already been experiencing and feeling.  As I sat outside reading today, I started to think about perception.  I kind of touched on this in my blog post These Moments, written over a year ago.  Basically the idea that what I perceive only exists by the very act of me perceiving it.  The perceiver and the perceived cannot exist apart from each other.  Abram says it more eloquently, "...perception...is inherently participatory...always involving, at its most intimate level, the experience of active interplay...between the perceiving body and that which it perceives."   There is a dance going on here.  We are engaged by the things we are perceiving.  Those things, whether we term them as animate or inanimate, are actively engaging us in the act of perception.  For me, this gives dynamic life to everything!

So I sit here, on the swing in my front yard, perceiving or being engaged into the act of perception, by the tree in front of me, the squirrel cautiously observing me, the grass under my feet, the cool rain drops falling on my skin.  And I can't help but wonder...is the rain perceiving me?  I can more clearly see that the squirrel or the birds or the crickets and especially the mosquitoes (!!!) obviously perceive me.  My presence is engaging them into the act of perception, as they are engaging me.  But how about the other forms that make up the totality of nature? Nature is alive with perception.  If the tree can experience the gift of the sun or a thirst quenching rain, surely it experiences my body as I lean up against it.  If I can experience the shift in energy in the woods when the sun sets, then surely the woods experiences my energy, the energy I bring into that place with me.

My imagination begins to roam wild with the possibilities.  As I perceive the sensations of the earth as I walk with barefoot feet, is the earth perceiving my footsteps upon her?  As I perceive the rain falling on my skin, is the rain perceiving this warm body it lands upon?  As I perceive the ocean surrounding and engulfing me, does the ocean perceive this dense body floating through it?  As I perceive the air gently swirling across my skin and through my hair, does the air perceive this resistance to its flow, this object it must move around? Does any of this exist without me? Do I exist without it?  It's exciting to me and adds a whole new dimension to my time spent in nature.  As I hike through the woods, as I watch the honeybees, as I hang out in my yard, as I sit quietly in nature, I am the perceiver and the perceived.  In the moments I experience nature, nature is also experiencing me.  Maybe not in the same way I experience, but in its own unique way.  It surely is magical!

The Rhythm of Life

There's something that happens inside me when I hear the beat of a drum.  Any drum I suppose, but particularly hand drums.  I feel something being stirred deep within, like a remembering.  I feel that remembering slowly pulsing and vibrating from my heart center out into the rest of my body and I want to just close my eyes and be swept away with it.  This is why I love participating in drum circles.  I love being part of creating the rhythm as well as experiencing it.  I can sit there, allowing my hands to drum that simple basic beat, and let my awareness flow into the energy of the circle.  Everyone finds their unique style, their variation of the beat, their individuality, but we're all connected by that central pulse.

At the most recent drum circle I attended, I was one of four who played the large center drum for one of the sessions.  We were the keepers of the central pulse.  I had this image of being part of the earth's core.  We were the earth's center, her rhythm emanating from this drum, providing the foundation of the life-giving rhythm to all the other drummers in the circle.  These individual drummers weren't just people anymore.  The drumming of each person came to represent life on this earth...the rhythm of the trees, birds, insects, humans, flowers, rocks, fish, animals...the rhythm of each species that inhabits this earth.  Each has its own unique rhythm, and yet we are all connected by that central pulse.  We are separate and yet one.

The leader of the drum circle pointed out how drum solos can be a beautiful part of the circle.  One person rising above the rest, leaving the main rhythm to express their gift, their beauty, their uniqueness for a few moments and then returning to the natural beat.  There is magic in this ebb and flow, expressing and receiving. But he also pointed out how problems can arise when one person monopolizes the solo, playing on and on.  Being so focused on hearing his/her own expression and forgetting that they are only one piece of what creates the magic in the circle.  "It sounds great for the person playing the solo, not so great for the rest of the circle."

I thought about this today as I walked barefoot through the woods.  Maybe humanity has been playing it's solo too loudly and for too long.  We just keep going and going, forgetting that we are simply one species of life making its home here.  We are not the 'end all, be all'.  For our lives as humans, as the whole of humanity, we need to step back and listen.  We need to remember the sacred rhythm of the earth's pulse.  We need to pay attention to and receive the solos of all the other species of life here.  Just as nature's rhythm keeps the central beat for us, we also need to step back for a while and be the ones holding the central beat steady.  In this way, we uplift and support the rhythm for all other forms of life on this planet.  No one species is meant to drown out and deafen.  We are here to add our beat, as one small part, to the larger rhythm of life.  I think when we can truly find this balance, this remembering, we will see healing...healing for humanity and healing for our earth.

"...it's more important to pay attention to the spaces between the notes, because that's where the magic takes place." -Dave 'Drumhead' Curry


For more info on drumming, check out Dave's website Drums for One and All or find him on Facebook.

Pay Attention

Slowly, the air began to stir; the leaves began to swirl and blur.  Taking on a new dimension, they spelled two words: PAY ATTENTION! Pay attention, Celestine, said the voice of one unseen.  And Celestine saw a small door where none, he thought, had been before.

This is an excerpt from a book, The Song of Celestine, I used to read to my niece when she was younger.  It's a kids book written by James Redfield, the author of The Celestine Prophecy.  My niece loved it because of the beautiful pictures and the fact that I could replace her name (Alexa Jeanne) into the story and still have it rhyme.  "Pay attention" is one of my 3 rules for when I take the kids hiking.  The other two rules are no fighting and no whining...self explanatory.  It's been fun to watch them really grasp onto the idea of paying attention in nature; to witness the spark of their curiosity as they wonder what made that hole in the ground, or discover a design of rocks someone made just off the trail, or notice that the outcropping of rock over there looks like a dinosaur head (and can we go sit on it please!).

I have to remind myself to pay attention when I'm out in the woods too.  Sometimes my head becomes riddled with thoughts, daydreams and to do lists.  Pay attention said the voice of one unseen.  Those words bring me back to the reason I am out in the woods in the first place - to connect with nature, to ground and center myself. It's not just paying attention from a naturalist perspective of noticing and identifying birds, animals, trees and plants.  It's paying attention to the much subtler magic of nature and how I am a part of it all...the way the bare branches of the trees hit against each other as the wind blows through, as if they are clapping for me as I walk by; the bone aching chill of the ice cold water I dip my feet into; the sounds of the gurgling brook I am sitting next to as it flows effortlessly down the rocky hillside; the wind blowing my hair around...and somehow it all gets me to thinking about the implications simply paying attention can have in our relationships.

From family to friends to clients to strangers...how am I paying attention to the people in my life?   Not with a point to prove or an agenda to get across.  Not just hearing their words, but feeling what's behind the words.  Not just observing their outer actions, but sensing what may be going on inside.  Not just looking at the image they present, but into the 'beingness' of who they are.  How do I listen to more than what I can hear with my ears and observe more than what I can see with my eyes?  And then how do I respond to them from that place; a place that truly honors my connection to each and every soul?  And Celestine saw a small door where none, he thought, had been before.  It's amazing the doors we can open in our relating to each other when we are truly present with one another, when we are truly paying attention.

On Being a Reiki Master

The title Reiki Master has been one I've had an internal struggle with since I received my Reiki Master attunement in August of 2006.  I remember having a friend proof-read a resume I was updating and pointing out that I needed to change 'Reiki Practitioner' to 'Reiki Master'.  I hadn't missed this change, but had actually intentionally left my title as Reiki Practitioner because of my discomfort with the term Master.  I didn't (and still don't) feel like a master of anything!  I'm not sure that Reiki is something that can ever be mastered.  However, as it goes in the world of business, I do want to be able to let people know what I do in a clear way and titles make that easier.

About a year ago, I found a website that had a very different description of being a Reiki Master than what I'd been exposed to in the past.  For the life of me, I haven't been able to find that website again, but with that influence I've tried to encapsulate what it means to me.  Becoming a Reiki Master was not the end of a journey, not the final say in an accomplishment, not a completion of learning.  It was actually my induction into the beginning.  For me, it has become a way of life and something that I am conscious of every day and, with practice, every moment.  My initial Reiki journey began with the necessary foundation of understanding energy and the chakra system, and learning the Reiki hand positions and symbols.  My Reiki Master journey began with learning how to let all of that go.  Rather than attempting to master Reiki, my focus is on mastering myself, which is a life-long course!  I am actively working to heal the broken parts of me and to release the beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve me.  It is only through finding this whole and complete place within my Self, unencumbered by fears, negative thought patterns and judgments, that I can truly offer myself in being of assistance to another's growth and healing.

Our ego's get involved in a lot of our ways of thinking and behaving in this world.  I have resisted this title of Reiki Master because I was afraid it was my ego that wanted it.  And I do think there is danger in getting too attached to titles and things, to the point where we allow them to establish our identity and feel like we are nothing without them.  But I also think it's the ego that tries to diminish us and make us believe we should present a 'less than' version to the world of the magnificence of who we each are as individuals.  I love being able to see how far I've come on this journey, as well as experiencing the excitement and anticipation of all I have yet to learn.  I love giving Reiki treatments and assisting others as they heal themselves.  I love teaching Reiki to others and serving as a guidepost in their learning.  I love being a Reiki Master.  Not because it's a title I get to put on a business card, but because it is truly aligned with my path with heart.

Paying Myself First

"Pay yourself first."  I'm sure I've heard this from multiple sources over the years, but it was Robert Kiyosaki's explanation of the concept that really made it sink in.  This is as I remember it, so forgive me if it's not exact...he explained that it was important to pay yourself first because then you will do what you need to do to get the rest of your bills paid. It may mean finding other sources of income, a part-time second job, prioritizing your spending differently, etc.  Essentially because you have to...there are more negative consequences for not paying your bills than not paying yourself.  If you pay all your bills first and have nothing left to pay yourself, you just won't.  No one holds you accountable to yourself except yourself.  When I first started working at the wellness center I recently left, I took on a second job at a garden center to pay my bills while I worked to build my clientele.  Granted, I can't say I really put into practice the concept of paying myself first, but I completely understood the idea of doing what I needed to pay my bills.  My point, however, is not about finances.  It's about balance.

Over the past couple months I have been in the process of starting up my own business.  I had finally come to the point where my fear and resistance to going out on my own became something I was willing to face.  I love it.  It's been exciting and rewarding.  And of course I've had my days of feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed.   It has taken a lot of hard work and energy and I'm still getting used to the newness of it all.  There are many days where I feel like all I do is work all day;  between office work and actually seeing clients and then coming home to do more computer work, manage all the household responsibilities, and be the best caregiver I can be right now for my Gram (I thank God for a very supportive family!)  I can see how very easy it is to get so caught up in working, that I lose the balance in my life of keeping myself healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.  One of my recent Toltec lessons was on 'making things non-negotiable'.  The practice is to choose four things to do every day that I feel will make a difference in my life and to make them non-negotiable.  I decided on (1) ACIM and Toltec lessons/readings, (2) meditation, (3) yoga, (4) the practice of a gazing technique I learned recently.  But seriously, how am I going to do these everyday with everything else I have going on and need to do?!

I need to pay myself first.  I'm the first one to tell people that we need to prioritize our own self-care if we want to be available for others.  In this case, paying myself first means prioritizing these four things in my daily life because I know they will help me maintain balance.  They will help me maintain a healthy flow within my life, rather than my overdrive, crash and burn pattern.  The thing is, the 'to do' list will always be there.  I cross one thing off and write in three more.  There will never come a point where everything in life will be done, finally leaving me time for myself.  It doesn't work that way.  So I will prioritize that time for myself now, each day, and know I'll be able to get done what I need to in the time that's left, even if it means finding new and creative ways to do that. In fact, I think I will find myself feeling more calm and having more energy and joie de vivre overall!  What are the things you do to bring balance into your life?  How do you pay yourself first?

In The Woods

"Nature is made to conspire with spirit to emancipate us." 

When I read this line in Ralph Waldo Emerson's book "Nature" earlier today, I couldn't help but smile with a deep sense of knowing.  I love Emerson.  He speaks so eloquently of our love of and connection to nature.  I feel like he speaks the words of my own heart.  I have considered the past couple years to be the journey of my emancipation…a journey of facing fears, becoming aware of unhealthy patterns in my life so I can make healthier choices, releasing self-judgment and self-imposed limitations, and dissolving what ACIM refers to as the blocks in my awareness to the experience of Love.  My time spent in nature has played an extraordinary role in assisting me on this healing journey.

In the woods, I feel a sense of innocence emerge.  In the woods, I experience the excitement of exploration and the awe of discovery.  In the woods, I am continually filled with curiosity and wonder.  In the woods, I dance to the song of the pine tree forest blanketed in the aromatic glow of fallen needles.  In the woods, I soar in harmony with the birds and frolic playfully with the squirrels.  In the woods, I flow gracefully through life like water over the rocks in a stream.  In the woods, I align with my own inner guidance, wisdom, understanding and peace.  In the woods, I find my grace. 

When I'm alone in the woods is actually when I feel the least alone.  For me, it's where duality comes together; where the physical and spiritual worlds find their harmony.  Where I can, in one moment as I look up to the trees towering above me and into the vast expanse of infinite sky, feel so insignificant.  And yet, in the next moment as I inhale the scent of pine needles and earth, feel the sun on my face and the gentle breeze in my hair, experience the grandeur of being a part of it all.  It is harmonic resonance...all matter vibrating at its own frequency, joining in a beautiful symphony.  It is as if I no longer exist as separate...like I can, all at once, be nothing and everything.  It is in this moment I am set free.

Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat Nature Girl: Part 2

It was much darker already when I went out to the tent the second night.  My fears were a little more heightened, I think because of how dark it was.  Even the dark seemed darker than the night before.  But this time I came prepared to sleep, with my pillow, extra blankets and warmer pj's since it was a little cool.  I laid there, looking at the sky, convincing myself that the noises in the woods were just birds, squirrels, chipmunks, etc.  I was just starting to drift off to the lullabies of the crickets when...

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!  A noise that did not fit into any category of nature in my mind ripped through the night.  I sat upright, ears straining to hear more.  Oh.  Gram was just closing the kitchen window.  As the rush of adrenaline finally started to subside, I once again began to drift off.  I could feel that pulse of energy right at the border of sleep, aware of the slow steadiness of my breathing.  Eventually I started to shift into the dream world.  And then I was jolted awake from my semi-sleep by the sound of an animal scurrying in the woods.  Damn.  Now I'm hungry, I can't relax, and I'm just not feeling this tonight.  So I head back in the house, grab a snack, read for a bit and go to sleep.

I am awoken to the sound of someone or something screaming outside.  What the hell?!  My cat, Lady Jane, is freaking out, her eyes bulging and her tail puffed.  My heart is racing.  And I hear it again, and again, and again...about a dozen times.  It finally began to register in my mind that I am hearing a fisher cat for the first time.  I know only because my parents have had them around their house and have described their sound to me.  All I could think in that moment was THANK GOD I am not in the tent right now!  But I can't help but wonder, dear fisher cat, what message do you bring?  Stealth, courage, observation, trusting my instincts...hmmm, so much to learn from the energy of the natural world.  Even so, I think I'll just stick to early evening meditations for a bit.  I'm all about facing my fears, reaching and expanding out of my comfort zone, but all in due time.  I will sleep out there at least one night before the summer is over! 

Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat Nature Girl: Part 1

I recently set up my tent in the backyard with the intention of being able to be outside in the evenings without getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.  Dusk is a favorite time of the day for me and I love the idea of using the tent to meditate, read, relax, or nap as the day's summer air gets a little cooler.  There's a shift in energy that seems to occur out in nature at that time of the day and I love being enmeshed in it and absorbed by it.  I'm even entertaining the idea of sleeping out there overnight, some night when I build up my courage, which I wasn't really aware needed building until recently.

I was in heaven that first evening.  The tent has that mesh screening on two whole sides and on the very top.  I laid there, under a velvet blanket of night blinking with stars, breathing the fresh air as it whispered through the tent and across my skin, lulled by the serenade of crickets and entertained by the luminous dance of the fireflies.  I felt so at peace that my body seemed to be disappearing into its connection to all that is.  If only it had stayed that way, but slowly I became aware of every little sound out there in the woods.  It's amazing, when you're alone outside, in the dark, how heightened your senses become and how every little sound seems closer, bigger and scarier than what reality would reveal it to be in the daylight.  My imagination can run wild!  And my fears of what could be out there seem to mirror my inner fears of facing the unknown as I move into a new chapter of my life.

Suddenly I hear something hit the side of the tent and I bolt upright, my heart racing.  I can feel my pupils pushing the boundaries of their ability to dilate to let in more light as I try to scan outside to see what the hell that was.  But I see nothing.  Must have been a twig falling from a tree...?  No, I can still hear it moving alongside the tent.  Visions of rabid animals and scary creatures form in my head.  Jeesh-maybe I've been reading too many supernatural creature books lately.  And then this creature lands on the mesh screen right in front of my face!  A frog.  Ha.  Well hello little froggie, I greet her, what message do you have for me this evening?  Frog is a totem of metamorphosis, a symbol of coming into ones' own creative power.  Frog brings the energy of cleansing and transformation.  This night she brought a smile to my face and her message to my heart.  I finally fell asleep for a bit, waking up just before midnight to finish the rest of the night in my own bed.  Tomorrow night, yes, tomorrow night I will sleep outside overnight so I can wake up to the beauty of dawn...

The Journey

I decided to make use of an unplanned day off last Friday to do some hiking on a gorgeous day.  I have a favorite spot, off the beaten trail, at one of the places I hike.  The energetic vibration of this area draws me to it and I go there when I need to find peace, when I need to feel connected to the earth and the sky, when I need to feel the energy of healing and rejuvenation.  So I set out this day with that spot as my destination.  I like to build the anticipation and excitement of getting there though...you know, the journey...so I had figured out the basic trails I planned to explore on my way there.

Along my hike, I came to an intersection of 4 trails.  I pulled out my map just to be sure of the direction I wanted to head in.  I looked at the map, looked at the trails, looked at my map to confirm...and somehow still managed to take the 'wrong' trail.  I knew as I was hiking it that it did not seem familiar to me, but I was sure I had gone the right way, so I kept on going.  And then it ended at an opening in the woods and I stood looking out on a huge open field, scattered with dandelions and surrounded by trees, with a large white rock in the center of it.  It was breathtaking.  So I stepped out into that field as if I were walking out onto the surface of the ocean and headed directly towards that rock.  I sat there looking out upon a sea of green while the wind soared through my sails and sent currents of rippling light in waves across the grass.  I felt the energy moving up into my body, filling me and surrounding me.  This was exactly where I was meant to be on this day.

I know it's a cliche..."life is a journey, not a destination"...but certainly there's some truth to that.  I have to start somewhere, with a trajectory in mind, but it's important to not get so caught up in the end result that I lose sight of what's taking place throughout the journey.  Sometimes life is more about what the pursuit of a goal leads me to along the way, than it is about the goal itself.  As I begin walking that path, I remain open to allowing life to transform my trajectory as I go.  Sometimes that path I'm walking changes because of my own choice, sometimes because of someone else's.  I may not end up where I had first planned...I never did make it to the spot I had initially started hiking towards...but I always end up exactly where I am supposed to be.

Is It True?: Experiences in A Course In Miracles

I can remember a few instances from my childhood where I'd approach my dad after school regarding an incident with a classmate, or even after an incident with my brother or sister, and complain to him that the person called me a bad name or said something bad about me or to me. Dad would look at me and say "Well is it true?" And I'd say "No!" And he would go on to ask why I cared so much about what someone said if it wasn't true. I think on some level I understood what he was saying, but I couldn't quite apply that piece of wisdom to my life. At the time, I felt completely justified in taking offense and wanted him to agree with me at how horrible this was.

This memory returned to me at a recent ACIM conference I attended. The speaker said something to the effect of "the best defense is not to attack someone else's position, but to protect the truth."  I don't need to attack things I don't like or that I disagree with.  In fact, when I do, I allow those things power over me.  By attacking what is false, I make it real in my mind.  But what does it mean, "to protect the truth"?  For me, I think it means to honor the truth of who I am in any situation as reflected simply in the way I live my life.  Love is all that is real.  The truth is that nothing can ever separate me from Source.  By extending love in all situations, by living from that place of truth within me as I respond to and take action in the world, I cannot help but protect the truth.  I don't need to prove the truth and the truth certainly does not need me to defend it.  The truth just is.  Thank God, because that takes a lot of pressure off of me!

Looking back, I think what my dad was tring to explain to me was that I know who I am and I just need to go about my life being who I am.  However others choose to perceive me and the choices I make for myself is up to them.  My choice is to perceive myself and others through the eyes of love and forgiveness.  My choice is to simply be me.  I may make mistakes, I may at times still choose the ego as my teacher, and it may take me a while to move beyond some grievances into the light of love and forgiveness, but I can honestly say that I am doing the best I can and that's all any of us can do.  Much love to all  : )

Road Rage: Experiences in A Course In Miracles

I've been studying A Course In Miracles with a little more depth recently. I'm listening to and reading one of my favorite teachers of the course and holding more awareness of the lessons in my daily life. This is my third year studying the course and I can feel myself opening up to a new level of awareness and sense of understanding. And even these words don't quite do justice to what I am feeling within. I suppose because the words are twice removed...the true sense first removed into thoughts and then once again as expressed in words. Anyway, I wanted to share a recent experience of mine.

The other day I had an incident with another driver on the road. Not an accident, just an incident. It's not really about the details of what happened because it's not really about who was right or who was wrong. Besides, I can't figure out how to tell the details without coming from a place of feeling like I was completely right! The form, or the physical reality of what occurred is certainly not as important as the content of what I learned in this interaction with another being. I will admit I got a little lost in the ego at the beginning, especially right around the time the other driver slammed on his horn and started pointing at me and shouting something while I flipped him off and mouthed some expletives of my own. And then I woke up. I slowed down, allowing that driver to get far ahead of me. In that moment of waking up to what was really going on, I realized I had a choice. ACIM explains this as the choice to choose the ego or the holy spirit as my teacher.

Now, you'd think my decision to back off is the choice I'm talking about. In some ways it is, but the real choice came afterwards. The real choice for me was between judging myself for having a moment of acting from an ego place or letting my grievance with myself go. I can definitely get caught in the trap of perfection with spiritual thinking and judging myself as less than when I feel like I'm not quite getting or doing it "right". I'm happy to say, in this instance, I chose the holy spirit as my teacher. This path is not about never acting from a place of ego or attempting to deny that I have an ego. It's really about being aware; being aware that I have a choice. Even if there are times when I do choose the ego, I am aware that there is a choice and when I'm ready I will choose again. But most importantly, I will not continue to hold that grievance by judging myself (or the other driver) because it is my grievances that hide the light of the world in me. At this point it doesn't matter who had the right or wrong way of driving, or if I was right or wrong in my response. What matters in this moment is my willingness to choose again...and again...and again...