The Sound of Silence

Today I would change Khalil Gibran's quote to "Forget not that the the virgin snow longs to be graced with your footsteps and the descending snowflakes long to melt upon the warmth of your skin." I am still a child when it comes to my excitement about snow, especially towards the beginning of winter. I can recall hours of sledding and playing in the woods on those blessed days that school was cancelled! My favorite thing to do was find one of those evergreen trees where the branches were weighted down by snow and crawl underneath...it was like my own secret little fort hidden away from the rest of the world. And then we'd come in to remove our snow gear in front of the roaring wood stove while mom prepared soup and hot chocolate for us. :)

There is something about being in the woods when snow blankets the ground...a peacefulness hard to come by sometimes in daily life. It feels like everything has stopped for that moment in time. It's the sound of silence that opens your perception up to deeper awareness and the ability to be present. The way branches of trees look highlighted with a layer of snow; the prickly feel of snowflakes landing on your face and quickly melting; the tapping as they hit your jacket; the distant cry of a bird; the silent sound of the snow itself drifting from the sky...I don't know how to describe it...it just is. And then the exploring...a snow covered ground in the woods allows you more freedom to explore off the beaten path. And I think that expands awareness as well...anytime you're outside the "comfort zone" of what you "know" leads to heightened awareness of your senses. That's why it's so invigorating!

I am reminded of a quote my Grandpa Allen shared with me once when I was much younger (sometime before 5th grade). This quote has stuck with me my whole life; I will never forget it and hope that on some level I live my life by it. "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

All the While

I am so happy that Fall is here. I love this time of year! September will always be the time of new beginnings for me; too many years of starting a new school year I guess. I'm feeling renewed, especially with some cooler weather, but realizing how long it's been since I've been inspired to write. My last post before today was July 16th!

Clearly, this means that I have not spent enough time outdoors recently, since nature is my best inspiration. And this has been pointed out to me in a couple of indirect ways. I've had a difficult time sleeping the past few weeks and it was suggested to me that I should walk around outside, barefoot for about a half-hour each day. Something about how static electricity builds up in our systems and walking barefoot outside discharges it. Then I came across this quote in two different places over the course of a couple days: "Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair" -Kahlil Gibran.

How beautiful is that! I can no longer ignore the message as it's being so clearly presented to me. And as I stepped outside this evening to pot my spider plants I breathed in the cool, moist air; I felt the dampness of the earth on my feet as I stepped from the driveway onto the lawn; I listened to the songs of the crickets fill the air; and I simply felt alive!

Thankfulness

I've always liked the idea of the "gratitude stone"...keep it in your pocket and everytime you feel it there, think of something you're grateful for. Or even my gratitude journal...writing down 5 things each day that I was thankful for. Recently, however, I've decided to try something a little different.

I started some laundry the other day and as I looked down at the 4 loads to be done, I felt a sense of dread...doing the laundry isn't so much the problem as folding it is! And suddenly this thought popped into my head, this feeling of gratitude consumed me. I felt thankful that we have the clothes to create this laundry; that we have a washer and dryer; that I have a loving husband whose laundry I get to do; that I can be here to help Gram with her's; and I just let those thoughts keep flowing. I felt so good doing laundry that night, that I have decided to apply this exercise to all my "little" chores.

Today I went grocery shopping alone! On the drive I thought about how grateful I was to have a vehicle to drive to the store; to have money to buy groceries; to be able to provide healthy, delicious meals for Ron and Gram; to have had three excellent cooks in our family who taught me (thanks Mom, Dad & Gram!). Even cleaning the bathroom this evening...I can't even express how thankful I am that Ron and I have our own beautiful bathroom now; for my dad who is such an incredible handyman that he did most of it himself; for indoor plumbing and hot showers!

I feel over-joyed with the blessings of this life...maybe chores aren't so much fun, but the life that surrounds having those chores is beautiful. Or maybe I'm just trying to psych myself up for folding all that laundry now...!

Rainbows

As I watered our outdoor flowers yesterday evening, I felt like a fascinated child as I created rainbows with the water. I didn't go out with the intention of doing this. I just happened to glimpse a rainbow in the spraying water that disappeared as quickly as it appeared. So I started playing with the water, shifting it until it caught the light of the setting sun in just the perfect way to create a rainbow. And I smiled--ahh, simple pleasures.

So this morning I'm thinking about how much joy and beauty we can create in our lives by just a simple shift--a shift in our mind, our thoughts. Transformation in our lives begins within. I'm recognizing that if I rely on my outer circumstances to create my inner state, then I subject myself to an endless rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. But if I shift my focus to all I am grateful for in life, to joy and love, not only do my outer circumstances begin to reflect that, but I also find a deeper strength to walk through the challenging times.

Some days, finding those things I'm grateful for are more difficult than others so I rely on the basics--oxygen, nature, car, house, health. For a while, I kept a gratitude journal--listing 5 things at the end of each day I was grateful for. Or I'll keep a stone in my pocket--a gratitude stone--so each time I sense it or feel it, I think of something (or someone!) I'm grateful for. My husband has started a new tradition at dinner--last night, as we were eating, he asked "so what was good that happened for you today?" So me, Ron, and Gram enjoyed our meal talking about the positive things we felt in our lives that day. Sometimes it's not that the "negative" doesn't exist; it's not about denying it or resisting it. It's simply a choice of where to place our focus. We're choosing to cultivate the energy of joy so it's light may illuminate the darkness.

Priorities

I recently took this Tibetan personality test on-line and came out with some interesting results that really made me think. One set of results came out with me rating my career as my last priority. The interesting thing is that this result really didn't surprise me and that made me think about why?

I love what I do--being a massage therapist and reiki master/teacher. I was recently asked "if you could do anything, without failure and with unlimited resources, what would it be?" And, much to my delight, my answer was "exactly what I'm doing now." I asked myself that same question 5 years ago as I left my corporate job...and here I am! I have diligently put one foot in front of the other, maintaining my faith during the challenging times, always knowing that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Yet I realized that it's not about my career. I am so thankful that this is what I get to do to make money, but as far as priorities go--it's about the relationships. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to be in so many people's lives, or to have so many wonderful people in mine. (I'd like to say to have a positive influence, although I'm sure that's not always the case--but we grow from all experiences, right?) Through massage, reiki, teaching, conversations, laughter...and I'm beginning to see that expanding far beyond my career; I could be doing that in any career and with anyone--friends, family, strangers, clients, coworkers, etc.

Any interaction with another being gives me the chance to share love, compassion, understanding and peace. So really, it's relationships that surround all of my priorities--even above and beyond "pride"--which incidentally came out as my first priority--but that's a whole other blog!

The Wind

I'm sitting outside this morning, so grateful that the heat of the past few days has subsided a bit. Nature is my most favorite place to practice presence--to move out of my mind and into feeling the energy of my body through being completely aware of my senses. There is so much to absorb. Sounds of the birds, the wind, the crickets, the cars driving by, the bees buzzing around flowers. Sight of the leaves and branches twisting, turning and dancing as the breeze picks up; cardinals, blue jays, robins flying about; the many shades of green from grass to flowers to trees; the vibrant blue of a cloudless sky. The way the wind feels as it gently caresses my skin; the coolness of the shade and the warmth of the sun. The smell of freshly cut lawn as the breeze carries it over from the neighbors yard.

And all the while, I'm drawn to the wind. I'm sure there's some scientific explanation as to how and why it works...but I much prefer the mystery of it all. It fascinates me that you can't actually see the wind, only the effects of it. I am in awe of how something that can't be seen can be so gentle and yet so powerful at times; how the absence of wind can make a hot day more stifling or a cold day less bitter; how it can cause massive destruction or be harnessed to move a boat, fly a kite, or light a city. Oh, and of course, how it spreads the seeds of the much loved dandelion! ;-)

Tall Tales of the Mind

Amidst my judgements about life, my mind also seems to have this way of taking a situation, a look, someone's words or lack of words, etc. and making up a story about it. Sometimes I think it's just what we do, what our minds do, as an attempt to function in this world. But it has become so apparent to me recently how the mind chooses to make up stories around an event that are rarely fun & beneficial! More often then not, these stories lead to anxiety, drama, miscommunication and resentment.

Let me give you an example: I was in art class one day in elementary school. The teacher was explaining some project we would be working on when I randomly felt this shooting pain in my thumb that was gone as fast as it came, but I know I made a grimaced face as I reacted to it. The teacher, upon seeing my face, reprimanded me for treating her that way. In her mind, I had made a face in response to what she was saying! And I tried to explain--because I loved that art teacher and would never have done something like that! But it was too late-her story was already true and there was nothing I could say to change it-and obviously, to this day, I still think about it.

So I consider how often I do this to others...Someone hasn't called for a while-did I offend them? They sounded a little curt on the phone-did I say something wrong? That email was very direct and to the point-what did I do? They're late-don't they respect me? They didn't rebook-was it a bad treatment? They didn't thank me-do they even care? There's this tendency to judge every situation and turn it into being about me. It's interesting as I become more aware, recognizing my own stories and those of others, how often what I'm reacting to actually has nothing to do with me!

So what are the stories you're telling yourself right now?

Dandelions Part 2 - Journey of a Seed

Not long after writing my first blog about my love for dandelions, I began to contemplate the actual "seed puff". That's my technical term--I'm sure you know what I mean! I noticed a picture one day of the seeds being blown off the puff and what struck me was the ability to see, close-up, what a single seed looks like.

Here's a little brown seed attached to it's own little white puff. I know I alluded to this in my initial writing, but how symbolic of life this became to me. The brown seed representing our physical body and the white puff, our connection to God, spirit, divine, great mystery, universe--whatever your word for it is. Floating through the air, wherever the wind takes it--we are never actually in control, as much as we'd like to believe or "play" like we are. Through our connection to God, we are led along this journey of life in very capable hands. We may rise up and fly high, only to dip down low upon the currents of the breeze, but always with the love of God supporting us.

The Space Between

"The space between the tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more." One of my favorite Dave Matthews Band lyrics. I think there was this great tea at Borders at one point too--the sky between the branches--or something like that. You get what I mean. And recently, a lot of my reading has focused on the space between our thoughts-finding peace in the moments between the constant chatter in our heads.

As I've become aware of this space, I'm able to create some distance between the true essence of who I am and the sometimes controlling and limiting thoughts racing around in my head. I recognize that I am not my thoughts, but the being that is aware of my thoughts. Not that I'm trying to regurgitate Eckhart Tolle--it's just that this "space between" fascinates me; when I can become more aware of the space that gives rise to form (because without space nothing could exist) than my focus on the form itself...

And I've been in the process of writing this blog entry for 3 weeks now and just haven't been able to pull it all together...So you're getting my half-thoughts because maybe this will peek your curiosity a bit too. As much as I love to write, it's the conversations that make it worth it!

Dandelions

On my walk today, I was admiring all the beautiful dandelions growing everywhere--scattered through luscious green lawns, like bursts of sunshine in a sea of green; popping up in the gravel lining the sides of the road; finding their place admidst the tulips in someone's flower beds. I have loved dandelions since I was a kid. There's a field next to where I work-deep green grass with tons of dandelions-it brings a smile to my face each day I pass it.

It was said to me recently that it is my need to be different or unique that makes me say the dandelion is my favorite flower. Maybe, in some way, that's true, but it's not like I'm lying about it just to get a rise out of people! I love how the dandelion simply grows, even in the face of adversity. People are constantly trying to get rid of them-spraying chemicals on them or on their lawns to kill those horrible "weeds". And they just keep popping up-ha!

Let me admire the dandelion for you: It rises in the spring, gently stretching from wherever fate has placed it's home. The vibrant, bright yellow flower instantly brings color to the area. Yet it's non-assuming look creates a softness and it's lack of a strong smell is a treat for my sensitive nose. Dandelion greens are delicious, a bit bitter, yet nutritious all the same; and don't forget the cleansing properties of the root. Then the shift, from beautiful bright flower to soft downy seeds-just waiting for a gust of wind or the breath of a child (or me!) making a wish to scatter them across the land. Simplicity and acceptance at it's best.

The Voice of God

This reminder to listen to the voice of God has come up recently in my life. I pray, I send distance Reiki, positive thoughts, etc. But when do I stop DOING long enough to actually listen? What is happening in the spaces between my doing? How do I listen to the voice of God? Because it doesn't seem to come as some deep voice actually speaking to me; nor from some mysterious burning bush--which I'm afraid if I came across I would probably call the fire department to put out yet another brush fire!

I should have titled this post "driving in my car" because I think most my inspiration comes when I'm doing just that. The other day I was driving to a meeting, which I was feeling a little apprehensive about--what would I say, how to act, and all that stuff that comes up when I'm concerned about what someone else is going to think of me. To my left I saw this truck come up and I had this sense that I should read the side of it. Noticing it was a Garelick milk truck, I figured there wouldn't be anything of value on it. But there it was--as part of their slogan it read "Act Natural". Yes, I do believe God speaks to me from the side of a truck on the highway because that was exactly what I needed to remember at that moment!

Later, a friend sent me this article http://www.beliefnet.com/gallery/coincidence.html
Although I don't believe in coinicidences, I do believe that God speaks to us in many different ways--we just need to slow down and pay attention to the signs. God can speak to us from billboard signs, in the words of a stranger, the lyrics of a song, the animal that continuously seems to be crossing your path, the book that you suddenly feel inspired to read, the embrace of a loved one, the simple wisdom of a child...I think what I'm trying to say is that when you're aware, the voice of God is everywhere. How mysterious and exciting this dance can be!

This, too, will pass

This, too, will pass. And it did--but the freedom that came along with that realization was quite incredible! This is such an interesting thought; and one quite comforting in the midst of a challenging situation. But what about a beautiful moment?

The other day I was driving in my car, noticing the small pale green leaves coming out on the trees lining the road, the sun shining through the spaces between the branches, the songs of the birds cascading down into my open moon roof. The moment felt "right". My heart filled with this sense of peace and joy...and suddenly I thought "this, too, will pass". And for the first time that became much more than a mental concept, but an understanding deep within my inner Being. I wasn't waiting for the "other shoe to drop" or bummed out or depressed that this wonderful moment wouldn't last forever. It was this recognition that, yes, this moment will pass--but for now I'm going to enjoy it and honor it for everything that it is to me in the present moment.

It sounds cliche to say that I felt my soul just open up...but honestly, that's what it felt like. A burden was lifted off my shoulders and this sense of freedom washed over me. I understood it more in the midst of a "good" moment than during any of the "bad" ones. I don't have to hold on or cling to any moment--the outer world, outer circumstances are not who I am, but simply what I am aware of. Who I am runs so much deeper--to use Eckhart Tolle's analogy--I am the depths of the lake which remains unaffected by the ripples on the surface. When I can release even the "good" moments, it's so much easier to not identify with the "bad" and know that those, too, will pass.