"Nature is made to conspire with spirit to emancipate us."
When I read this line in Ralph Waldo Emerson's book "Nature" earlier today, I couldn't help but smile with a deep sense of knowing. I love Emerson. He speaks so eloquently of our love of and connection to nature. I feel like he speaks the words of my own heart. I have considered the past couple years to be the journey of my emancipation…a journey of facing fears, becoming aware of unhealthy patterns in my life so I can make healthier choices, releasing self-judgment and self-imposed limitations, and dissolving what ACIM refers to as the blocks in my awareness to the experience of Love. My time spent in nature has played an extraordinary role in assisting me on this healing journey.
In the woods, I feel a sense of innocence emerge. In the woods, I experience the excitement of exploration and the awe of discovery. In the woods, I am continually filled with curiosity and wonder. In the woods, I dance to the song of the pine tree forest blanketed in the aromatic glow of fallen needles. In the woods, I soar in harmony with the birds and frolic playfully with the squirrels. In the woods, I flow gracefully through life like water over the rocks in a stream. In the woods, I align with my own inner guidance, wisdom, understanding and peace. In the woods, I find my grace.
When I'm alone in the woods is actually when I feel the least alone. For me, it's where duality comes together; where the physical and spiritual worlds find their harmony. Where I can, in one moment as I look up to the trees towering above me and into the vast expanse of infinite sky, feel so insignificant. And yet, in the next moment as I inhale the scent of pine needles and earth, feel the sun on my face and the gentle breeze in my hair, experience the grandeur of being a part of it all. It is harmonic resonance...all matter vibrating at its own frequency, joining in a beautiful symphony. It is as if I no longer exist as separate...like I can, all at once, be nothing and everything. It is in this moment I am set free.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat Nature Girl: Part 2
It was much darker already when I went out to the tent the second night. My fears were a little more heightened, I think because of how dark it was. Even the dark seemed darker than the night before. But this time I came prepared to sleep, with my pillow, extra blankets and warmer pj's since it was a little cool. I laid there, looking at the sky, convincing myself that the noises in the woods were just birds, squirrels, chipmunks, etc. I was just starting to drift off to the lullabies of the crickets when...
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! A noise that did not fit into any category of nature in my mind ripped through the night. I sat upright, ears straining to hear more. Oh. Gram was just closing the kitchen window. As the rush of adrenaline finally started to subside, I once again began to drift off. I could feel that pulse of energy right at the border of sleep, aware of the slow steadiness of my breathing. Eventually I started to shift into the dream world. And then I was jolted awake from my semi-sleep by the sound of an animal scurrying in the woods. Damn. Now I'm hungry, I can't relax, and I'm just not feeling this tonight. So I head back in the house, grab a snack, read for a bit and go to sleep.
I am awoken to the sound of someone or something screaming outside. What the hell?! My cat, Lady Jane, is freaking out, her eyes bulging and her tail puffed. My heart is racing. And I hear it again, and again, and again...about a dozen times. It finally began to register in my mind that I am hearing a fisher cat for the first time. I know only because my parents have had them around their house and have described their sound to me. All I could think in that moment was THANK GOD I am not in the tent right now! But I can't help but wonder, dear fisher cat, what message do you bring? Stealth, courage, observation, trusting my instincts...hmmm, so much to learn from the energy of the natural world. Even so, I think I'll just stick to early evening meditations for a bit. I'm all about facing my fears, reaching and expanding out of my comfort zone, but all in due time. I will sleep out there at least one night before the summer is over!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! A noise that did not fit into any category of nature in my mind ripped through the night. I sat upright, ears straining to hear more. Oh. Gram was just closing the kitchen window. As the rush of adrenaline finally started to subside, I once again began to drift off. I could feel that pulse of energy right at the border of sleep, aware of the slow steadiness of my breathing. Eventually I started to shift into the dream world. And then I was jolted awake from my semi-sleep by the sound of an animal scurrying in the woods. Damn. Now I'm hungry, I can't relax, and I'm just not feeling this tonight. So I head back in the house, grab a snack, read for a bit and go to sleep.
I am awoken to the sound of someone or something screaming outside. What the hell?! My cat, Lady Jane, is freaking out, her eyes bulging and her tail puffed. My heart is racing. And I hear it again, and again, and again...about a dozen times. It finally began to register in my mind that I am hearing a fisher cat for the first time. I know only because my parents have had them around their house and have described their sound to me. All I could think in that moment was THANK GOD I am not in the tent right now! But I can't help but wonder, dear fisher cat, what message do you bring? Stealth, courage, observation, trusting my instincts...hmmm, so much to learn from the energy of the natural world. Even so, I think I'll just stick to early evening meditations for a bit. I'm all about facing my fears, reaching and expanding out of my comfort zone, but all in due time. I will sleep out there at least one night before the summer is over!
Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat Nature Girl: Part 1
I recently set up my tent in the backyard with the intention of being able to be outside in the evenings without getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. Dusk is a favorite time of the day for me and I love the idea of using the tent to meditate, read, relax, or nap as the day's summer air gets a little cooler. There's a shift in energy that seems to occur out in nature at that time of the day and I love being enmeshed in it and absorbed by it. I'm even entertaining the idea of sleeping out there overnight, some night when I build up my courage, which I wasn't really aware needed building until recently.
I was in heaven that first evening. The tent has that mesh screening on two whole sides and on the very top. I laid there, under a velvet blanket of night blinking with stars, breathing the fresh air as it whispered through the tent and across my skin, lulled by the serenade of crickets and entertained by the luminous dance of the fireflies. I felt so at peace that my body seemed to be disappearing into its connection to all that is. If only it had stayed that way, but slowly I became aware of every little sound out there in the woods. It's amazing, when you're alone outside, in the dark, how heightened your senses become and how every little sound seems closer, bigger and scarier than what reality would reveal it to be in the daylight. My imagination can run wild! And my fears of what could be out there seem to mirror my inner fears of facing the unknown as I move into a new chapter of my life.
Suddenly I hear something hit the side of the tent and I bolt upright, my heart racing. I can feel my pupils pushing the boundaries of their ability to dilate to let in more light as I try to scan outside to see what the hell that was. But I see nothing. Must have been a twig falling from a tree...? No, I can still hear it moving alongside the tent. Visions of rabid animals and scary creatures form in my head. Jeesh-maybe I've been reading too many supernatural creature books lately. And then this creature lands on the mesh screen right in front of my face! A frog. Ha. Well hello little froggie, I greet her, what message do you have for me this evening? Frog is a totem of metamorphosis, a symbol of coming into ones' own creative power. Frog brings the energy of cleansing and transformation. This night she brought a smile to my face and her message to my heart. I finally fell asleep for a bit, waking up just before midnight to finish the rest of the night in my own bed. Tomorrow night, yes, tomorrow night I will sleep outside overnight so I can wake up to the beauty of dawn...
I was in heaven that first evening. The tent has that mesh screening on two whole sides and on the very top. I laid there, under a velvet blanket of night blinking with stars, breathing the fresh air as it whispered through the tent and across my skin, lulled by the serenade of crickets and entertained by the luminous dance of the fireflies. I felt so at peace that my body seemed to be disappearing into its connection to all that is. If only it had stayed that way, but slowly I became aware of every little sound out there in the woods. It's amazing, when you're alone outside, in the dark, how heightened your senses become and how every little sound seems closer, bigger and scarier than what reality would reveal it to be in the daylight. My imagination can run wild! And my fears of what could be out there seem to mirror my inner fears of facing the unknown as I move into a new chapter of my life.
Suddenly I hear something hit the side of the tent and I bolt upright, my heart racing. I can feel my pupils pushing the boundaries of their ability to dilate to let in more light as I try to scan outside to see what the hell that was. But I see nothing. Must have been a twig falling from a tree...? No, I can still hear it moving alongside the tent. Visions of rabid animals and scary creatures form in my head. Jeesh-maybe I've been reading too many supernatural creature books lately. And then this creature lands on the mesh screen right in front of my face! A frog. Ha. Well hello little froggie, I greet her, what message do you have for me this evening? Frog is a totem of metamorphosis, a symbol of coming into ones' own creative power. Frog brings the energy of cleansing and transformation. This night she brought a smile to my face and her message to my heart. I finally fell asleep for a bit, waking up just before midnight to finish the rest of the night in my own bed. Tomorrow night, yes, tomorrow night I will sleep outside overnight so I can wake up to the beauty of dawn...
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Journey
I decided to make use of an unplanned day off last Friday to do some hiking on a gorgeous day. I have a favorite spot, off the beaten trail, at one of the places I hike. The energetic vibration of this area draws me to it and I go there when I need to find peace, when I need to feel connected to the earth and the sky, when I need to feel the energy of healing and rejuvenation. So I set out this day with that spot as my destination. I like to build the anticipation and excitement of getting there though...you know, the journey...so I had figured out the basic trails I planned to explore on my way there.
Along my hike, I came to an intersection of 4 trails. I pulled out my map just to be sure of the direction I wanted to head in. I looked at the map, looked at the trails, looked at my map to confirm...and somehow still managed to take the 'wrong' trail. I knew as I was hiking it that it did not seem familiar to me, but I was sure I had gone the right way, so I kept on going. And then it ended at an opening in the woods and I stood looking out on a huge open field, scattered with dandelions and surrounded by trees, with a large white rock in the center of it. It was breathtaking. So I stepped out into that field as if I were walking out onto the surface of the ocean and headed directly towards that rock. I sat there looking out upon a sea of green while the wind soared through my sails and sent currents of rippling light in waves across the grass. I felt the energy moving up into my body, filling me and surrounding me. This was exactly where I was meant to be on this day.
I know it's a cliche..."life is a journey, not a destination"...but certainly there's some truth to that. I have to start somewhere, with a trajectory in mind, but it's important to not get so caught up in the end result that I lose sight of what's taking place throughout the journey. Sometimes life is more about what the pursuit of a goal leads me to along the way, than it is about the goal itself. As I begin walking that path, I remain open to allowing life to transform my trajectory as I go. Sometimes that path I'm walking changes because of my own choice, sometimes because of someone else's. I may not end up where I had first planned...I never did make it to the spot I had initially started hiking towards...but I always end up exactly where I am supposed to be.
Along my hike, I came to an intersection of 4 trails. I pulled out my map just to be sure of the direction I wanted to head in. I looked at the map, looked at the trails, looked at my map to confirm...and somehow still managed to take the 'wrong' trail. I knew as I was hiking it that it did not seem familiar to me, but I was sure I had gone the right way, so I kept on going. And then it ended at an opening in the woods and I stood looking out on a huge open field, scattered with dandelions and surrounded by trees, with a large white rock in the center of it. It was breathtaking. So I stepped out into that field as if I were walking out onto the surface of the ocean and headed directly towards that rock. I sat there looking out upon a sea of green while the wind soared through my sails and sent currents of rippling light in waves across the grass. I felt the energy moving up into my body, filling me and surrounding me. This was exactly where I was meant to be on this day.
I know it's a cliche..."life is a journey, not a destination"...but certainly there's some truth to that. I have to start somewhere, with a trajectory in mind, but it's important to not get so caught up in the end result that I lose sight of what's taking place throughout the journey. Sometimes life is more about what the pursuit of a goal leads me to along the way, than it is about the goal itself. As I begin walking that path, I remain open to allowing life to transform my trajectory as I go. Sometimes that path I'm walking changes because of my own choice, sometimes because of someone else's. I may not end up where I had first planned...I never did make it to the spot I had initially started hiking towards...but I always end up exactly where I am supposed to be.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Is It True?: Experiences in A Course In Miracles
I can remember a few instances from my childhood where I'd approach my dad after school regarding an incident with a classmate, or even after an incident with my brother or sister, and complain to him that the person called me a bad name or said something bad about me or to me. Dad would look at me and say "Well is it true?" And I'd say "No!" And he would go on to ask why I cared so much about what someone said if it wasn't true. I think on some level I understood what he was saying, but I couldn't quite apply that piece of wisdom to my life. At the time, I felt completely justified in taking offense and wanted him to agree with me at how horrible this was.
This memory returned to me at a recent ACIM conference I attended. The speaker said something to the effect of "the best defense is not to attack someone else's position, but to protect the truth." I don't need to attack things I don't like or that I disagree with. In fact, when I do, I allow those things power over me. By attacking what is false, I make it real in my mind. But what does it mean, "to protect the truth"? For me, I think it means to honor the truth of who I am in any situation as reflected simply in the way I live my life. Love is all that is real. The truth is that nothing can ever separate me from Source. By extending love in all situations, by living from that place of truth within me as I respond to and take action in the world, I cannot help but protect the truth. I don't need to prove the truth and the truth certainly does not need me to defend it. The truth just is. Thank God, because that takes a lot of pressure off of me!
Looking back, I think what my dad was tring to explain to me was that I know who I am and I just need to go about my life being who I am. However others choose to perceive me and the choices I make for myself is up to them. My choice is to perceive myself and others through the eyes of love and forgiveness. My choice is to simply be me. I may make mistakes, I may at times still choose the ego as my teacher, and it may take me a while to move beyond some grievances into the light of love and forgiveness, but I can honestly say that I am doing the best I can and that's all any of us can do. Much love to all : )
Road Rage: Experiences in A Course In Miracles
I've been studying A Course In Miracles with a little more depth recently. I'm listening to and reading one of my favorite teachers of the course and holding more awareness of the lessons in my daily life. This is my third year studying the course and I can feel myself opening up to a new level of awareness and sense of understanding. And even these words don't quite do justice to what I am feeling within. I suppose because the words are twice removed...the true sense first removed into thoughts and then once again as expressed in words. Anyway, I wanted to share a recent experience of mine.
The other day I had an incident with another driver on the road. Not an accident, just an incident. It's not really about the details of what happened because it's not really about who was right or who was wrong. Besides, I can't figure out how to tell the details without coming from a place of feeling like I was completely right! The form, or the physical reality of what occurred is certainly not as important as the content of what I learned in this interaction with another being. I will admit I got a little lost in the ego at the beginning, especially right around the time the other driver slammed on his horn and started pointing at me and shouting something while I flipped him off and mouthed some expletives of my own. And then I woke up. I slowed down, allowing that driver to get far ahead of me. In that moment of waking up to what was really going on, I realized I had a choice. ACIM explains this as the choice to choose the ego or the holy spirit as my teacher.
Now, you'd think my decision to back off is the choice I'm talking about. In some ways it is, but the real choice came afterwards. The real choice for me was between judging myself for having a moment of acting from an ego place or letting my grievance with myself go. I can definitely get caught in the trap of perfection with spiritual thinking and judging myself as less than when I feel like I'm not quite getting or doing it "right". I'm happy to say, in this instance, I chose the holy spirit as my teacher. This path is not about never acting from a place of ego or attempting to deny that I have an ego. It's really about being aware; being aware that I have a choice. Even if there are times when I do choose the ego, I am aware that there is a choice and when I'm ready I will choose again. But most importantly, I will not continue to hold that grievance by judging myself (or the other driver) because it is my grievances that hide the light of the world in me. At this point it doesn't matter who had the right or wrong way of driving, or if I was right or wrong in my response. What matters in this moment is my willingness to choose again...and again...and again...
The other day I had an incident with another driver on the road. Not an accident, just an incident. It's not really about the details of what happened because it's not really about who was right or who was wrong. Besides, I can't figure out how to tell the details without coming from a place of feeling like I was completely right! The form, or the physical reality of what occurred is certainly not as important as the content of what I learned in this interaction with another being. I will admit I got a little lost in the ego at the beginning, especially right around the time the other driver slammed on his horn and started pointing at me and shouting something while I flipped him off and mouthed some expletives of my own. And then I woke up. I slowed down, allowing that driver to get far ahead of me. In that moment of waking up to what was really going on, I realized I had a choice. ACIM explains this as the choice to choose the ego or the holy spirit as my teacher.
Now, you'd think my decision to back off is the choice I'm talking about. In some ways it is, but the real choice came afterwards. The real choice for me was between judging myself for having a moment of acting from an ego place or letting my grievance with myself go. I can definitely get caught in the trap of perfection with spiritual thinking and judging myself as less than when I feel like I'm not quite getting or doing it "right". I'm happy to say, in this instance, I chose the holy spirit as my teacher. This path is not about never acting from a place of ego or attempting to deny that I have an ego. It's really about being aware; being aware that I have a choice. Even if there are times when I do choose the ego, I am aware that there is a choice and when I'm ready I will choose again. But most importantly, I will not continue to hold that grievance by judging myself (or the other driver) because it is my grievances that hide the light of the world in me. At this point it doesn't matter who had the right or wrong way of driving, or if I was right or wrong in my response. What matters in this moment is my willingness to choose again...and again...and again...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Oatmeal
ugh. I do not like oatmeal. I know this about myself, but for some reason I keep trying to like it. And don't tell me I should try the steel-cut or whatever other types are out there that are "so different". Believe me, I've tried them all and it doesn't matter. I can't quite say why I don't like it. It's not completely repulsive or anything. I can eat it if I have to. It's not a texture thing; I've tried flavoring it, cooking it different ways. I just don't like oatmeal. Well, except for oatmeal cookies and apple crisp ;) Anyway...
I'm getting comfortable with accepting this in myself, or at least I think I am. I seem to go through phases. After I haven't had it in a while, I see it there in the cupboard and I think "hmm, oatmeal...maybe I should try that again." Because I'm supposed to like it, right? Oatmeal contains so many health benefits. Eating it was like number 1 on the list of things to do from the naturopath I started seeing a few years ago. And I consider myself a fairly health-conscious person. I should definitely like oatmeal. I become determined. I will make myself like oatmeal! Maybe if I put more milk in it and cook it less time so it's not mushy; maybe adding some of the honey from my parent's hives; maybe some fruit; maybe... I can't tell you how thrilled I was when I went gluten free, since oatmeal is on the questionable list. See, my body was trying to tell me something...that's why I didn't like oatmeal. So that was my out for a while. Of course, then I discovered there was gluten-free oatmeal. great. And yes, I tried it again and still didn't like it. For the love of god, why am i trying so hard to force myself to like something that I just don't like because I think I'm supposed to?
Quite an analogy for a few things in my life, this idea of forcing myself to like or do something because I think I'm supposed to. I think that if I can just think hard enough I can figure it out, I can make it work. There was this simple little exercise I did at a conference recently: Point to yourself - take your index finger and point to yourself. Where did you point? At your heart, right? Most people, when asked to point at themselves, point to their heart area, not their head. My thoughts, my brain, is not who I am. When I truly settle into my heart center, into my feelings, into listening to what my body is telling me, the path becomes quite clear. And ultimately I feel more at peace. It is taking a lot of practice to leave the thoughts of my brain and listen to the wisdom of my heart. I am learning to love myself enough to listen to that intuitive guidance. I am learning to love myself enough to make healthy choices that are right for me. I am learning to love myself enough to not eat oatmeal.
I'm getting comfortable with accepting this in myself, or at least I think I am. I seem to go through phases. After I haven't had it in a while, I see it there in the cupboard and I think "hmm, oatmeal...maybe I should try that again." Because I'm supposed to like it, right? Oatmeal contains so many health benefits. Eating it was like number 1 on the list of things to do from the naturopath I started seeing a few years ago. And I consider myself a fairly health-conscious person. I should definitely like oatmeal. I become determined. I will make myself like oatmeal! Maybe if I put more milk in it and cook it less time so it's not mushy; maybe adding some of the honey from my parent's hives; maybe some fruit; maybe... I can't tell you how thrilled I was when I went gluten free, since oatmeal is on the questionable list. See, my body was trying to tell me something...that's why I didn't like oatmeal. So that was my out for a while. Of course, then I discovered there was gluten-free oatmeal. great. And yes, I tried it again and still didn't like it. For the love of god, why am i trying so hard to force myself to like something that I just don't like because I think I'm supposed to?
Quite an analogy for a few things in my life, this idea of forcing myself to like or do something because I think I'm supposed to. I think that if I can just think hard enough I can figure it out, I can make it work. There was this simple little exercise I did at a conference recently: Point to yourself - take your index finger and point to yourself. Where did you point? At your heart, right? Most people, when asked to point at themselves, point to their heart area, not their head. My thoughts, my brain, is not who I am. When I truly settle into my heart center, into my feelings, into listening to what my body is telling me, the path becomes quite clear. And ultimately I feel more at peace. It is taking a lot of practice to leave the thoughts of my brain and listen to the wisdom of my heart. I am learning to love myself enough to listen to that intuitive guidance. I am learning to love myself enough to make healthy choices that are right for me. I am learning to love myself enough to not eat oatmeal.
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