Today I found myself at the Peace Abbey in Sherborn, MA. I say "found" because I was totally thinking the Peace Pagoda in my head. I thought it was closer than I had remembered! A lovely find all the same. I met Dot, the Program Coordinator, and asked her a couple questions about the place to clear up my confusion. Amazingly, she immediately directed me to the Native American meditation room in one of the buildings. How did she know? Of all the meditation rooms, how did she know to direct me to this one, the one that would resonate with me more than anything?
I climbed up the stairs, ignoring the sign marked private, unhooked the chain to pass through and "found" myself in an attic alcove with meditation chairs, Native American drums, statues, books, pillows, and other relics and artifacts. Feeling a little overwhelmed with emotion, I sat down and allowed my heart to open up and a flood of tears to escape. This was exactly the place I needed to be. This has been a challenging summer for me not only as I experience my own personal trials, but also as I witness and support family and friends through theirs. I was listening recently to Adyashanti talk about the peace beyond understanding. "If you're only at peace when you're in peace you have a very flimsy peace on your hands. When you're in peace even when you're not at peace...now that is the peace that surpasses all understanding."
I'm recognizing that to be in peace, to know that deep sense of peace that flows like an underlying current within my soul connecting me to the oneness of life, does not mean I don't encounter sadness or heartache or all that exists in the range of human emotions. It means I can see through it, I can accept the "isness" of the situation, while still allowing myself the feelings that surround it. When I stop repressing those feelings, stop trying to hide from them, and just allow myself to feel them, they slowly begin to dissolve. And their dissolution allows for a warmth to enter and tranform that space in my heart. This is what happened today in that attic alcove. I'm not saying that happiness was necessarily the result, but maybe an "okay-ness". The outer circumstances haven't changed, but there's a peacefulness, an acceptance with what is...a peace beyond understanding. Seriously, how did she know I needed to be here?
