I have a friend who lovingly jokes with me about my 'sudden' flashes of insight and self-awareness. We'll laugh as I share whatever realization came my way most recently and she asks "did you realize it 'suddenly'?" What I really love is that all this time she's been listening so well to what I had to say that she noticed my suddenly's! And yes, most of these ideas of mine do happen suddenly...it's as if a portal opens up in my consciousness, allowing for a shift in my awareness that floods my being. The suddenness of it all gets my heart racing and my brain fired up, wanting to share it with someone. And when I feel called to write about it, it's because all that energy begins traveling to my hands, causing them to pulse with the desire to give life to those thoughts. My 'suddenly' is another's 'ah-ha' moment; like a light just flicked on in my brain.
And when this happens, there is a moment where I feel suspended in space, where time does not exist and everything falls away. In that moment, my being is so completely consumed with this realization that I feel an expansion in my awareness; for a moment the world ends, even if ever so briefly. I treasure these moments, but I've learned I can't create them, only allow them to happen. It's almost as if I've escaped from the confines of this body to view myself, my life, from this other place...my higher self? outer space? Who knows...unfortunately words are very limited symbols that do not do the actual experience much justice.
What I really want to share is that last night I was gifted with one of these moments. After coming off days (or who am I kidding, a lifetime) of self-judgment, self-criticism, should have's (and not's), supposed to's (and not's), the portal opened up and peace washed over me as I suddenly realized I only have to be me. "You only have to be you, Chris. You don't have to be anyone else". Holy crap...what a novel idea. Suddenly the pressure is off, relief settles in and for a moment...well, I've already explained all that. It seems so obvious, yet so difficult for me to live it when I lean towards the tendency of trying to figure out how I think I should be to make everyone else happy so they'll like me. Ahhhhh, a sigh of relief, I only have to be me. And the cool thing is that three of my friends on facebook posted links this morning that were on this same wavelength. Gotta love those synchronicities! : ) And each time I share my suddenly's, I'm a little scared of what you'll think, but as Doreen Virtue suggests, I will rearrange the "c" in that word and make this moment sacred...because this is me.
